As some people have come to know, Tonsley celebrates the unusual, slightly random and the downright ridiculous (takes one to know one).
So let us tell a story, ten years in the making (during which we were pretty much oblivious), of someone we don’t know at all but was once most probably a close neighbour in the great Tonsley Town itself.
Let’s start at the end, with an email received out of the blue in the winter of 2013…
So, right,
In about 2004?ish, I met a girl from the Tonsleys, married her, had children, now got three! And you very kindly sent me a Tonsley Totty T-shirt. I complained it was too small and you said that was the whole point. And it was your last. It is now at Land’s End, and is going back to Bristol.
Anyway, our friend Suki, on Fullerton Road, is on a hen night in Bristol this Saturday, and is going to be presented with the Totty T-shirt.
True story.
Best wishes, Tristan
P.S. Glad to hear you are still up and running. But the TBC sounds a little casual.
Turns out Woolfy recalls that night:
I think Tristan is referring to a fundraising party that I hosted a table at. I cannot remember why but I had a Tonsley Totty T-shirt with me [Ed: yer, right] and, one of my guests, Bellers, suggested that we stick it at the end of the silent auction (without permission). I vaguely recall it selling for over £100 or so. I remember clearly him saying that his nickname for his girlfriend was ‘Tonsley Totty’. [Ed: copyright infringement, surely]
Of course, the two accounts may be completely unrelated, but let’s not let that ruin a good story. So, some 18 months later (not intentional, but even the carefully honed Tonsley governance structure failed to realise that despite triggering an entertaining thread of emails between the four of us, none of us had actually had the courtesy to reply to our mystery friend and his incredible story), we’ve done a bit of research…
A bit of digging around (aka Google) reveals our friend on a Renault 4 fanatics club website (random enough), and that he has bought a large expanse of seabed (yes, really… a solution to the House Price Bubble even the Tories couldn’t have dreamt up). Anyway, it so happens that this seabed is apparently 12 inches thick in oysters – canny fella and random indeed. And our man has thus drawn comparisons with a chap who sailed around the world the wrong way with one hand tied behind his back (single handedly), climbed Mount Everest without oxygen or a rucksack, been knighted for services to Rock and Roll, had his own navy and promoted himself to Admiral, played in two rugby world cup finals for England, scored the winning FA cup winning goal for Liverpool against Sunderland in 1992, played lead guitar in Led Zepplin for over 30 years, had over 18 number one hits, ran 5 marathons on 5 continents in 5 days without wearing running shoes, organised and implemented the London Congestion Charge Zone in Kensington and Chelsea, was one of the only boxers ever to knock Mohammed Ali down, created the world’s largest and most visited arboretum, planted the only Wollemi Pine in the Vendee, won 2 gold medals in Olympic rowing, designed and flew the world’s first human powered flying machine over Mount Blanc in a total white-out, out pole-vaulted the famous Polish pole vaulter Walter Upper Volta in Poland in 1987, set up a very successful chain of high street clothing shops, designed and built the London Eye with very little help, was instrumental in arranging and financing the hugely successful Take That comeback in 2006, starred in some of Hollywood’s greatest blockbusters, and lived to 114 years old.
Yes, it turns out, our man has surpassed greatness on many levels, but never would we have guessed that he would have actually called his son, ‘Tonsley’!
And for that, sir, we salute you.